"All things grow...". p.s. this is really cheesy. p.p.s. i am blogging it anyway.

this song is a new fav.

{me & noah. october 2009}

i often wish i could go back to certain moments in time & tell myself things that i didn't quite yet know.

it's so odd. it's odd to think of "that anna" (the one from last october) being different from the me today. 

"that anna" was bogged down with so much doubt in herself. she was pretty sure she wasn't going to finish her math credits & on most days she lost sleep wondering what would become of life once her dear friends all graduated & got married & moved on. she felt twelve steps behind everyone.

she was also full of hopes.
hopes that things would work out & that she would begin to be brave. 

& her hopes did come true.  she passed her math class & she continued to follow her school path....however, from that point- with more fervor.

she was brave.  although she was terrified to open her heart up to a boy.  but she was so brave & she did. & she was so happy that she did.

she wasn't expecting heartbreak.  

no, last year at this moment she was convinced she would be able to protect her heart from any ache.
she fought to protect her heart from being vulnerable.

she wouldn't believe you if you told her she would succumb to heartbreak.
no, she wouldn't. she'd say, "i would never give anyone that much power. the power to break my heart."

but she did. & she'd do it again.

she'd protest, saying that she would not allow herself to fall for anyone.  all the while, in the back of her mind, she'd secretly be wishing it was true, that she would fall for someone in the coming year.  no matter the heartbreak.

but if i went back to "that anna" i'd tell her to go ahead & follow her heart. & if her heart was swelling with joy, to enjoy it. enjoy the coming months filled with wonderful moments.  i would tell her it might hurt like hell at the end, but  that she would never regret it.  i'd tell her to always take risks & at the end of it all, i'd be there to comfort her.  

i'd tell her she is going to grow in a million different ways & that she was going to learn most of the coming lessons from her mistakes.  

mistakes that were necessary for her growth. 

i'd tell her no matter how sad she gets, how scared or how bitter- she would be ok in the end.

& i'd tell her that at the end of the day, she would be content with the memories of the past.  & how she'll always kindle hopes of what's to come- no matter the falls she's taken so far.
  

"She fell, she hurt, she felt. She lived. And for all the tumble of her experiences, she still had hope."-sarah dessen.

xo-