Here I lay my trust.

{via: flickr.}

I have a lot of unreasonable fears. 

One of which I spend the most time worrying about is messing up my own fate.

"Anna, isn't that kind of like an oxymoron?" you ask. "Wouldn't  messing up your fate be just another part of your fate?"

You sir, are correct.  But my mind doesn't operate in such logical ways. No, no it does not..

but, today the theme of this post is fate, not how illogical my mind can be. (though, someday soon, there will be a post about how that.)

I truly believe in fate. I do. I truly believe that someday I will look back on these times & say, thank goodness it didn't work out in that relationship, otherwise I would have never met ________ (insert future husband's name here.)

but Today is not someday. Today is today & today I am losing the skip in my step, the sparkle of hope in my eyes. It's easy to say you believe in fate. It's much harder to put all of your trust in fate. I am a big fan of the thought that God has plans in store for us... plans much greater than anything we could conceive on our own. I love this thought. I have faith that it is true. God knows what will truly make us happy while we so often don't.

But here I sit on the other side of the world, away from my family & friends. It is beautiful here. Absolutely breathtaking. But I can't help but find myself wondering: "what if I'm supposed to meet my husband right now, but I am here?", "what if my perfect job was just around the corner & I went & threw it away?" these thoughts keep my mind busy throughout the day & though they are exhausting thoughts to have, they keep my mind swirling most nights. It's a terrible pattern.

But, a pattern I intend to change. 

So tonight, as I lay my head down to rest,
I will put all my trust in Him.
Every little bit.

xo-

Happy Easter!

 

{via: flickr.}

 Happy Easter!

Do not abandon yourselves to despair. 

We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.

Pope John Paul II

"with grace in your heart & flowers in your hair."

 {via: tumblr.}

every time i hear that someone is going through a breakup i want to give them a huge hug like the one above. strangers, classmates, that crazy man on the bus, celebrities, best friends. all of them. 

i want to give them a big hug & tell them it will be okay, that their hearts will smile again. 

but i know how hard it is to believe that. i know what it is like to feel absolutely left out in the cold.  i know that you have to take it one day at a time & i know that sometimes you just have to cry. 

but i also know that the sun does come back. that you will get butterflies over new boys. that you will be giddy about a new first date. (& that on that date, you will not think of your ex. not one bit.)  that one morning you will wake up genuinely happy about what's ahead. that you will find love.  that your heart does heal- that your wings just get stronger.  that you come out on the other side a smarter, happier girl.  that you will find yourself not wanting to change any of it for the world- because it helped you get to the you you are today. 

that even when you think you have a better idea about what you want in life, you don't.  that there are extraordinary things waiting for you.  that you have no clue what God has in store for you & that things must fall apart, twist & turn to lead you to the exact place you are meant to be. with the exact person you are meant to be with.

i promise.

xoxoxoxo.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

-mumford & sons.

joy to the world.

{my niece carolyn Christmas 2008.}

Merry Christmas

with heaps of Love.

xo-

& if your feeling a wee down, this is a wonderful reminder for you.  

p.s. (you are so loved.)

“And if strength was born from heartbreak...

 then mountains I could move."

 [grandma Allen & me circa 1989.]

dearest grandma Allen,
i think of you everyday. i miss you everyday. i send my Love to you everyday. 
but you already know that, right?  because most days, i know that you are checking in on me... watching over us one by one.  last week i caught a whiff of your perfume... it took me back to every hug i have ever given you & they replayed in my head all at once.  i closed my eyes & felt so loved.

i always see you in my dreams.  you always let me know that you are ok & that you love me.  they are the best dreams, vivid & so real.  i think it's our way of communicating.

i try & make you proud, grandma.  i think you would be.  i have started standing up for myself, grandma.  sometimes i feel like you & Jesus are high-fiving whenever i stick up for what i believe in & not being a doormat.  you are such an inspiration, grandma. you were such a smart, sassy, confident woman & your life was focused on Love. your Love has impacted our lives more than you could ever imagine.  our family is truly built on a foundation of Love, one you laid for us.

we miss you like crazy, but we send Love to you & one another every single day.
  
nothing is the same since the day you had to leave. all of our hearts feel pangs of missing you each day- but our hearts are filled with your Love & the wonderful memories you left with us.
its hard without you, grandma. but, i know you are here.
you would have Loved Christopher's wedding.  it was just like a good ole fashioned Allen wedding.  eating, dancing, Loving the night away.

you'd be thrilled, grandma, we are all loving & living. because we know we will see you again & it will be better than any Allen event in the past...(though that is totally hard to believe.) ; )

I miss & Love you so much,
your Annie.

“Smile, breathe & go slowly.”

{via: flickr.}

sometimes it all seems to happen at once. 

you try to untangle one part of your life only to find another knot of confusion. they say challenges are meant to make you stronger.  that everything happens for a reason & God never gives you more than you can handle. 

& tonight:

i can't help but hope with all my heart that they are right.

xo-

A Smile is Love.

Kind Over Matter had such a perfect freebie today on their blog. 

...

I know that spreading kindness is spreading God's Love.  

I know that genuine compliments can turn somebody's day/week/month/year around.   

I know that Love can do some miraculous things. 

And I know that God is Love.

Let's fill today with smiles for all.  Because after all, smiles are Love.

xo-

p.s. a big thank you for the sweet, encouraging comments in regards to my niece Natalie.  it means the world.